numb

numb..
my heart is numb.
Trying hard to be stronger
Don't know how much longer
I can take it

afraid to do one thing
or say another

hold on tight?
or let go forever

Wondering why the only one who can't see is him
wondering why he can't see the place that he's in

wanting to stand by his side
but knowing he will never open his eyes

hurting knowing he's hurting
and hurting from the choices he makes

Messing up in my attempts
to teach this man about grace

aching...
my heart is aching..
standing firm through the words
embracing the hurt
yet making things worse.

Wanting to be
an example of mercy

of strength and dignity
of love and forgiveness

but sometimes people are too blind
sometimes people don't take the time

hoping i can hold his hand into Yours
wanting to know that he feels safe and sure
afraid for him to fall
to not have anyone to call

the things i see when i close my eyes torment me in my sleep
the things i feel when i open my heart now run so deep
want to let go
giving it all that i've got
but him bringing more in
erases all i forgot

Help..
God Help
I want to show him so bad
You.. not me.. but I'm afraid of how he gets mad

i want to release him to you
I want to hold on to him too
not for my gain
but to ease his pain
and why doesn't he get it

i know what i have
i know who i am
but hearing these things
again and again

robbing me more
or making me stronger
how will i be able
to embrace this much longer

when will he see
what he means to me
when will he see
how easy it can be
god teach him how
to finally be free

does he know deep down
can he see inside my heart
can you make him realize
knowing his pain tears me apart

"you don't understand
what I feel inside"
i hear it again
and it kills me inside

I do understand
i hurt for you too
but I can't let
you do this to you..

I love you.. i care.. i hope for the best
i'm wondering when i have to lay it to rest